The Joke
We were inspired by our professor when he decided to make a programming language called "Baby.js" in our compilers class, we looked at each other and decided why stop with just babies, infants need to program too. That was were InfantJS was born. So we built InfantJS a dynamically-flavored language with keywords that only an infant could truly understand, a JavaScript-style structure, and a compiler that translates your babytalk into real runnable JavaScript (and Python) Programs. Our vast team of researchers have poured thousands of hours and millions of university grant money into creating a sacred vocabulary of infants: gibberish to print, mine to declare, peekaboo for conditionals, wawawa for loops, and googoo/gaagaa for your booleans.
The Language
Beyond the core language, InfantJS supports a rich set of built-in functions for common programming tasks.
Random number generation is handled by flippy(min, max), which returns a random integer between the specified bounds.
User input is captured through nomnom("prompt"), which displays a prompt and waits for user input.
Type casting is available via numba() (to number), babble() (to boolean), and squarehole() (to string),
each with validated cast paths to prevent invalid conversions. Math utilities include crawl() for floor, climb() for ceiling,
and roll() for rounding. The nap(ms) function provides sleep/delay functionality, validated to accept only positive numbers in milliseconds.
For output, the dual code generation capability allows InfantJS programs to compile to both JavaScript and Python, making it versatile for different runtime environments.
The Truth
It's a completely 100% serious fully functional compiled language, with a real static analyzer, optimizer, and code generator. The compiler performs extensive static checks at compile time—including undefined variable detection, type mismatch errors, arity verification for function calls, and validated type casting paths. Variables are dynamically typed at declaration but the analyzer enforces consistent usage throughout the program. The dual code generation system produces both JavaScript and Python output, making InfantJS programs runnable in two of the most popular programming environments. What started as a joke in a compilers class has become a fully functional language with more than seventeen distinct static checks ensuring code correctness before any program ever runs.